How a pressure list helps me keep my stress in check

How a pressure list helps me keep my stress in checkHow a pressure list helps me keep my stress in checkI just feel like Im undersomuch pressure.I said those words to my mom during one of ur recent weekly phone chats, after Id ranted for a few minutes about how stressful myday/week/monthfelt. And, in her motherly wise way, her response was, Well, wheres the pressure coming from?Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreAt that moment, I realized I didnt really know.I could say that there was pressure from work, from family, from friends, from the world at large- I could make up some great dramatic similes about how my stress felt like a backpack full of rocks that keeps getting heavier or like those frantic final moments onChoppedwhen yur dish with Sour Patch Kids just isnt coming together.But when asked to pinpoint theexactthings that felt stressful, I drew a blank. And not knowing what stressed me out made me feel evenless in control. So that evening, I pulled out my journal and did an exercise that actually helped me figure it out.Under (two types of) pressureBefore we get into the exercise (stick with me- its a good one), its important to know there aretwotypes of pressure we can feel external and internal.External pressuresare those that come from the world around us- our partners, our bosses, our email inbox, our family, our pets. Its those thoughts like Yikes, I need to respond to that urgent email or Shoot, I need to buy that thoughtful gift for the birthday brunch.Internal pressures, on the other hand, we create in our own minds and bestow on ourselves like little stressful gifts. These include all the inner shoulds, musts, and have-tos, Rick Hanson, Ph.D., writes onPsychology Today. Like I must not look bad. Or I cant leave the house with dishes in the sink.Internal pressures tend to come from our internal fears, a sense of uncertainty, or our beliefs abou t how weshouldexist in the world.Our brains constantly track these external and internal expectations, rewarding us when we accomplish them andstirring up stressand pressure when we dont meet the demands we set for ourselves.Our brains constantly track external and internal expectations, rewarding us when we accomplish them and stirring up stress and pressure when we dont meet the demands we set for ourselves.Yes, some of this pressure is beneficial- it canmotivate usto tackle our goals and be a supportive partner or friend, Hanson explains. But too much pressure- and unrealistic pressure- can create a cycle of self-shaming that leads to all the stress.Plus Were great at spinning up and tracking pressures that dont really exist, especially when it comes to internal pressure. Be aware of the shoulds and musts muttering- or shouting- in your mind, Hanson says. Are they really true?Time For a Pressure ListKnowing this, I decided to create what Im calling aPressure Listto debunk and rat ionalize some of my pressure.Why Research shows thatjournalingcan help us better understand ourselves and process our stress.When we write things out, our left brain (the more analytical side) and right brain (the more emotional side) are able to work together to help us make better sense of how we feel, according toPsych Central. Also Even just writing out how you feel is proven to make emotions less intense.To start, I gave myself a few minutes to list out some of the pressure I felt like I was under- without judgement. Heres what I foundEven just writing it out, I started to feel a little bit better- it wasnt all just in my head.From there, I labeled if the pressure felt external or internal. Some things could easily fall in both buckets, but I tried to pick just one to make the exercise easier (also I tried to release thepressure toperfectlylabel everything as I did this).Next came the fun part I started to question if the pressure truly wasreal- or, if it was fake or imagined.W ith external pressure, I did this by asking myself Does someone elsereallyexpect this of me? Or, could I be holding myself to a much higher expectation than actually exists?And when it came to internal pressure, I asked myself AmIbeing too hard on myself by expecting this? Could I still be proud if Ididntmeet this expectation?I went through the items one by one and felt some of the stress start to release as I noticed a trend of fake pressure.For example Write Shines best article yet.Yes, I was on a deadline to write an article for the site. But did my gruppeactuallywant the best article in the history of the Interwebs? Or, did they just want a solid piece that would resonate with our members?Next Give 110% 24/7 as my sisters maid of honor.Did my sister want me to do an amazing job as her maid of honor? Yes. Did she want it on my mind all hours of the day and night? Probably not.Some pressure was very real- I did need to process invoices and pay rent. But for some real tasks, I adde d fake stress by expecting perfection. For example Present a foolproof content strategy. The only person in the office who expected perfection wasme- so why put that pressure on myself?And writing a hit song on my guitar? Creating that pressure was a quick way to kill one of my favorite hobbies.And then there was the straight-up fake pressure- Im looking at you, Have an upbeat positive vibe all the time. Sure, thatd be nice, but its not realistic to think I canoperate on one emotionevery single day. Im not Siri.When I finished the exercise, I wish I could say that I suddenly felt zero pressure and as free as a woman in a disposable razor commercial, acting as if shes wearing shorts for the first time in her adult life. But we cant fully get rid of pressure or stress. What we can do Get curious about it and lessen the load.Overall, the exercise helped me start to untangle that elusive ball of stress I felt in the pit of my stomach.Next time youre feeling under pressure, try a Pressu re List and see if it helps you, too.And if that doesnt work At least we all have a theme song to get us through the most pressure-filled days.This article originally appeared on Shine.Shine is a daily self-care meditation app that feels like a pep talk in your pocket. Join 3 million people who start their weekdays with Shines motivational message. Plus Get support with audio challenges developed by self-care experts. After using Shine, 96% of people saw a decrease in anxiety depression.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people